Solitary (Originally written 8/18/2007)

Solitary. Introvert. Aloof. Withdrawn. Loner. How do these words make you feel? What is your perception of someone who is bears these characteristics? Afraid? Apprehensive? What about John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Humphrey Bogart, Johnny Depp, Harrison Ford or Robert DeNiro? They all specialized in playing loner personalities in many, many movies. They played heroes and the quiet (but tough) man that always won the girl’s hearts. What about Superman, Spider-Man, Wolverine and Forrest Gump? They were all loners and heroes(Gump was more of friendly type). What about Michelangelo, Isaac Newton, Emily Dickinson and Franz Kafka? All loners, with brilliant minds and creative ideas. It’s sad that a personality trait has been labeled as a curse.

Our society has made it a sin to be considered any one of the monikers I mentioned at the beginning. Why is this? Much of it is probably left over Sigmund Freud philosophy. He mentioned that people that like to be alone have something mentally wrong them. I think someone took it further by thinking, “Hmmm. One man just shot a bunch of people, he didn’t have many friends, so why not call him a loner?” A misjudgement. Maybe it is an easy word to use to describe someone in this situation. But a real loner could care less about what society thinks. They yearn to be different. They enjoy the company of themselves. Pseudoloners (as Anneli Rufus calls them) search for ways to become accepted, and if they don’t succeed they mentally break and decide that they need revenge on the society that shunned them. They are conditioned by society to be afraid and believe they are noone’s friend and are worthless.
If you research serial killers, mass murderers, etc. they are almost always described as a loner, or a solitary gunman/bomber/terrorist. Many times these pseudoloners are outcasts in society. They are either brilliant and not recognized as such (the case of Kaczinski), made fun of excessively, and/or degraded by someone. They take these comments personally and try to connect with society and be a part of society but they could never “make” themselves socially acceptable. Their attitudes have been created by society, not by God. A true introvert (which only constitute about 25% of the population) or loner enjoys and treasures time alone. They often use this time to recharge or create new ideas or works of art. They enjoy this quiet time alone, but they may also treasure time with others, depending on their personality. They do not find awkward silences awkward at all, they are merely a time to refresh. There doesn’t need to be conversation each and every minute of consciousness.

The introvert has also been the subject of social conditioning. Since our extroverted society glorifies any fast-paced individual who can engage in small talk and be the life of the party, we are all lead to believe that this is the way we should all live. I like this Anneli Rufus quote:
“For fear of raising little killers, parents persuade little loners to play volleyball.” (Party of One, pg. 254)

We believe that because a child is somewhat withdrawn, or quiet at a young age he will become our worst fear. While some attention should be given to children, forcing them into highly sociable activities may not be good for each child. We are all created a certain way for a reason. Some children prefer to play in groups, others prefer one-on-one playtime or even alone play time. These were always my favorite experiences, wandering into the woods or backyard and creating my own world. Many times my world was an ideal world, one where I could get away and let my imagination run free without interruption or commentary from others who sought to change my world view. A loner in my own world.

Why do we find it necessary to change a child’s personality? Why do we find it necessary to negatively stereotype loners, introverts, and solitary persona’s, yet glorify them on-screen and in books? Probably because imaginary figures are intangible. We stereotype those around us out of fear. We have created the profile of a loner and an introvert as someone who has no friends, kills without remorse, and is mentally disturbed. While this may sometimes be the case, more often it is the result of social rejection and/or social unacceptance. I am not saying that all of society is this way, but it does go on all the time. We should all embrace each other for who we are, try not to demean each other for who they are. Even if some people seem lost in their own little introspective world.

Note: I am not glorifying serial killers, mass murderers, bombers or what they did or who they became, but to shed light on true loners. True introverts/loners are nothing to be afraid of, but actually to be celebrated. Many works of art can be attributed to them. Thanks for reading.